In this post, we dive into a personal story about overcoming the fear of speaking a new language. Discover how I went from struggling with language barriers to raising bilingual children and completing a dissertation in English (as a German native). However, the learnings and take aways from the story transfer to various other fears you might be facing.
This blog post is a short summary of the full podcast episode. Watch the whole episode here and discover more tips on embracing messy action.
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My fear of speaking English
At school, I was always terrible at languages. I failed most of my German (my mother tongue), English, and French classes. Since everything else at school came easily to me, I felt very embarrassed. English, in particular, was the language of the popular kids, who sang songs from American pop stars all the time. I kept my mouth shut, even when I had something to say in English class. The mere thought of saying something wrong and facing embarrassment paralyzed me for years. I started to resent and hate languages, labeling myself as "really bad at languages," and I made sure to live up to that label. I didn't do anything to overcome it. I accepted it and let it happen.
Love pushed me out of the comfort zone
Then I met my now-husband, a huge fan of the US and all things American. He insisted on watching American movies in their original voice. For love, I decided to overcome my hatred of the English language and started watching movies in English with him. I struggled at first, but the more I was exposed to it, the better I understood. I gained confidence and realized I wasn't as bad as I thought. I slowly adopted the mindset: "I suck at speaking English, but my passive understanding isn't that bad."
The moment I finally had to face my biggest fear
I went to business school and tried to avoid lectures held in English. However, during my master's, I realized that if I wanted a corporate career, I couldn't avoid speaking English forever. So, I took a gap semester and went abroad to Austin, Texas, for half a year with my then-boyfriend, now husband, to attend an English school. A few weeks into our stay, we went on a walk, and my husband suggested we start speaking English together to immerse ourselves more in the language. I was shocked; the idea had never occurred to me. How embarrassing, speaking English with my boyfriend! But deep down, I knew he was right. It took me a while to let it sink in. But deep down I knew he was right. So I agreed. For the first two days or so I barley said anything - very uncommon for me. But eventually I couldn't keep all those thought tugged in any longer... So gradually, I started to say more and with it I started to feel more comfortable and spoke up more. Until it eventually kind of became normal.
What came after
Fast forward a year after I finished my master's, I took my first job as an international tax consultant, dealing with legal documents in English and speaking with English-speaking clients daily. This pushed me to work on my writing skills.
I then took a PhD position, writing in English, attending international conferences, and speaking about my research in English to top-notch researchers in my field. I moved to London, gave birth to my first daughter, and am now raising two bilingual German-English kids. I've started recording videos of myself speaking English and sharing them on social media.
Don't be fooled, all those steps required me to push a little bit on my comfort zone again every time. It's not like my fear fully disappeared but I learned that leaning into it isn't all that bad and it will become normal once I pushed through.
While English will never be my mother tongue, I now feel very comfortable speaking it with anyone, knowing it's not perfect but good enough.
Tips for you to overcome any fear
Experiencing fear isn't something to be embarrassed about or avoid at all costs. Feeling scared is completely normal. Recognizing your fears is the first step toward overcoming them.
There's no way to "overcome fear" without confronting it. You can't just read more, learn more, or think more about something that scares you and expect the fear to disappear. To overcome fear, you have to face it head-on, like when I started speaking English with my husband. It was intimidating and uncomfortable at first, but over time, the fear diminished, and I became more at ease. Overcoming fear involves leaning into it, experiencing it, and realizing, "It's not as bad as I thought," or "At least I got through it."
Overcoming fear is a gradual process. As you lean into your fears and discover they're not as daunting as you imagined, your comfort zone expands. This doesn't mean you'll never feel scared again; there will always be new challenges. But once you've learned that you can face your fears, each new leap becomes a bit easier.
Since it's a process, approach it step by step. If your fear feels too overwhelming to tackle all at once, start with smaller, related challenges. For example, I began by passively consuming English movies with my husband. Noticing how much I understood helped shift my mindset from "I totally suck" to "I'm not great at speaking," and eventually to "I'm not bad at all; I'm just not a native speaker."
Find something you love that relates to what you're afraid of, or create a connection. For example, if you're afraid of flying, find a compelling reason to fly—whether it's a dream destination or traveling with someone special. Positive emotions linked to your goal can help you step out of your comfort zone and confront your fear.
Surround yourself with people who acknowledge your fear and encourage you to face it. Avoid those who share your fear and might reinforce it, making you feel like it's okay not to challenge yourself.
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